Rocking the Boat

Written as part of the She Reads Truth #SheSharesTruth experiment

Read Jonah 1

Jonah was to be on a mission from God. He was meant to turn the people of Nineveh to the Lord by telling them that God was going to ROCK THEIR WORLD, if they didn’t repent. And what did God do when Jonah went the other way? He ROCKED THE WORLD of those that Jonah surrounded himself with instead. Literally! That boat ROCKED! Those men were throwing off everything they could think of to survive. The whole purpose of their trip likely - their cargo - was tossed. And what was the only solution for stopping the boat from rocking? To toss Jonah! 

I find it so amazing that these men, who worshipped all kinds of different gods amongst them and probably none of them had given any thought to believing in the God of Heaven before, learned to fear and ultimately trust in the one true God that day. At first, they were afraid to follow Jonah’s own instruction to throw him over. I’m sure they didn’t want to make THIS God any angrier. And then, when they threw him overboard and the sea became completely calm, 1:16 says, “Then the men feared the Lord exceedingly, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows.” 

Wow.

Even in his running, Jonah’s presence was used by God as a prompt for repentance. This just shows that God didn’t need something spectacular from Jonah. He just needed him to go. He just needed him to be there, and he’d do the rest. Because God can use even the weakest vessels – often especially the weakest vessels – to get his work done. In fact, it just brings God more glory when the small and weak things are used. We just have to be willing to obey and follow him. And this story just proves, that even when we aren’t willing to follow him, God can still use the vessel (sorry, I’m a dork. so, yes, the pun was intended) to ensure his will is done. 

What an amazing story those guys had from that trip! But the best part was: They came to know the God of Heaven. And truth be told, if Jonah had never run, those guys may have never come to know the Lord. They probably wouldn’t have. I mean, unless something really rocks your world, why would you switch from what you know? 

Ultimately, God was able to turn Jonah’s story into a way better one than if Jonah had just obeyed in the first place. Now, I’m not saying we should run from God because it’ll probably just be better that way. But I am saying that God can do magnificent things to bring himself glory in the most surprising of ways. And that God can and will use our journeys, even when we intentionally or unintentionally take them off course, to bring about our own and others’ redemption. 

So, thank goodness for those storms. For the rocked boats. Because God is bigger than the storms, and he can definitely deliver grace through them.

~ Signing off under my SRT identity “JessicaLoves___”*

 

*The blank is meant as an intentional reminder to myself that I am to actively love Christ and all those he puts in my path.

BUT for you, O Lord ...

Written as part of the She Reads Truth #SheSharesTruth experiment

Read Psalm 38

Psalm 38 is just not my thing until I get to vs. 15. I’m generally a pretty upbeat person and really don’t like whining and self-pity. And verses 1-14 had a WHOLE LOT of those two things that I don’t like!

BUT in vs. 15 – the only verse I marked in this passage, there’s a shift. “But for you, O Lord, do I wait; it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.” YES! This turning to God part is something I can grab ahold of. Something I can relate to. Well, technically, I can relate to verses 1-14 too: I have been and certainly still become burdened by my sins and guilt. I can see myself for what I am and am really disgusted by my natural man sometimes. I can be foolish. And I’ve certainly had the feeling of having no one understand what I am going through. BUT wallowing is just not my way. I’d rather WAIT for God to ANSWER than wallow. I think it’s because there’s something hopeful in waiting.

Waiting implies expectancy. It implies that the answer is coming – just not right now, or maybe I just don’t know when. BUT if I’m waiting, it’s because I BELIEVE it’s coming in some form or fashion at some point or other. And I can believe in believing.

The rest of the chapter, he still bemoans his state; BUT it’s different. It’s from the lens of the wait, the hope. And there’s confession. In the first 14 verses, there was an acknowledgement of sin in order to point out that God was punishing him for it. BUT the remaining verses show real penitence, which is what we are called to. Not just owning up to the fact that we sin, but turning from it, and recognizing that God is THE ANSWER to our need for salvation.

I also relate to the “Make haste to help me” request in vs. 22. Because at the end of the day, he’s still human. And he still needs relief. And we always want help to come as quickly as possible. So, he’ll wait; he knows God will answer. But if he could just have one other small request, it would be that it happens tomorrow.

May we not lose hope in our tomorrows, no matter how long they last. And may we continue to lean on the confidence that he is our Lord and God “who WILL answer”.

~ Signing off under my SRT identity “JessicaLoves___”*

  

*The blank is meant as an intentional reminder to myself that I am to actively love Christ and all those he puts in my path.

Steadfast

Written as part of the She Reads Truth #SheSharesTruth experiment

Read Psalm 130

Steadfast is not a word that we often use. I think the reason for this is that so few things in our lives are actually steadfast. Steadfast generally means fixed, firm, unwavering. In fact, in my dictionary app, the word “firm” is used in three of the five definitions: 1) firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, as a person 2) firmly established, as an institution or state of affairs and 3) firmly fixed in place or position.

God’s love is not going anywhere! It’s there. It’s steadfast. We may come and go in loving him, or in showing that we love him by following him. But at the end of the day, if/when we come to him (or come back to him, as the case may be), he’s there. But the thing is: he never leaves us. He is always there. We don’t escape him when we pull away. We don’t escape him when we sin. We don’t escape him when we lose a bit of ourselves to the world. We just escape feeling the love that is always there for us. We put a barrier between ourselves and God when we stop living like him that makes it hard for us to feel his love. But it’s not because the love lessens or goes away. In fact, there’s nothing that can shake his firm, fixed, unwavering love for us. But how can this be?

Because of his abundant, plentiful redemption. We know that, in our relationships, they don’t work if we aren’t willing to forgive. They just don’t. People aren’t perfect; and if we can’t forgive them, we don’t really love them. But God’s redemption is more than that. It’s more than us saying “sorry” and him saying “I forgive you”. Our understanding of God’s mercy and redemption is often limited to us having guilt, apologizing and getting an “It’s OK. I still love you” feeling.

But the redemption of our lives from sin and the resulting eternal death is SO MUCH BIGGER than this type of forgiveness. Redemption comes at a cost. When we redeem a coupon, the company that lured us to the store to buy their item had to take a hit to their bottom line for us to purchase said item. Our acceptance of their offer actually hurts them in some ways. But it’s worth it to them for us to have their product. And let’s be real: What God’s offering is SO MUCH BIGGER than anything we could ever redeem from any store on earth; and the cost to him – the sacrifice of his son Jesus – is so much greater. But it was WORTH IT to him. Because he loves us! And the awesome thing is: his redemption is there for the taking. It’s always there, just like his love. We have only to come to him, confess to him and let him in. He is always there, waiting, to make good on his offer to love steadfastly and redeem with abundance.

Learning to Love a 'Good' Storm

My husband and I are very different. In many ways. One example is that I love rain; he loves storms. And while it may seem that I'm just parsing words, there's a big difference in what we love when it comes to wetness emerging from the sky. When I think of rain, the following resonates:

   I hear leaves drinking rain;
   I hear rich leaves on top
   Giving the poor beneath
   Drop after drop;
   'Tis a sweet noise to hear
   These green leaves drinking near.

   And when the Sun comes out,
   After this Rain shall stop,
   A wondrous Light will fill
   Each dark, round drop;
   I hope the Sun shines bright;
   'Twill be a lovely sight.
             - The Rain by William Henry Davies

I love what is soothing about rain. What it does to the earth. The good that comes from it - both in my spirit and in the world around me. But as much as I love rain (albeit on a limited basis), I grew up never really wanting to experience a storm. To me, a storm brings fear, it brings the loss of things we love (like power and cable and trees and roofs), and it means we should hunker down and hope for the best. So, I came into our marriage with a NOAA weather radio - programmed to notify me of potential storms in my county, and the counties where my immediate family members resided. I wanted to be prepared for the storm, and able to notify my family that they should be prepared for what was coming as well. I'm not sure I ever thought about enjoying a storm. Until I met Colman.

Colman is an artist at heart. And specifically, he's a photographer by trade. So, he's drawn to light, to the majestic of any kind, and to the things that convey power through the senses. So, lighting brings brilliance and thunder brings awareness. About storms, Colman says, "There's just nothing else like it." He likes how powerful a storm is. And he's not afraid of it. He loves its beauty. And he's not intimidated by it. And I have learned to love his love for storms. I don't have my own love for storms, at least not the way I love rain or the way he loves storms. But I love what a storm does to my husband. What it brings out in him.

Recently, we were talking with friends about how much Colman loves a good storm. And he said to me, during this conversation, that I'd gotten to where I love storms too; he was trying to get me to admit that I'd come around to his way of thinking. But I said, "No. I just really like you." And it's true; I now approach the storms with him. But I'm drawn to him, and he's drawn to storms. So, if I want to be near my husband during a storm, I'm going to find myself on the front porch instead of in the tub. And I'm learning to appreciate the storms in my own way. But I hope I never get over how much I really like my husband. And how I like seeing the world through his eyes (as much as I can). And how he brings something to my life that I would never cultivate on my own. Such as a love for storms. Something I can hardly explain.

Proud Music of The Storm by Walt Whitman

PROUD music of the storm!
Blast that careers so free, whistling across the prairies!
Strong hum of forest tree-tops! Wind of the mountains!
Personified dim shapes! you hidden orchestras!
You serenades of phantoms, with instruments alert,
Blending, with Nature’s rhythmus, all the tongues of nations;
You chords left us by vast composers! you choruses!
You formless, free, religious dances! you from the Orient!
You undertone of rivers, roar of pouring cataracts;
You sounds from distant guns, with galloping cavalry!
Echoes of camps, with all the different bugle-calls!
Trooping tumultuous, filling the midnight late, bending me powerless,
Entering my lonesome slumber-chamber—Why have you seiz’d me?

Worthy Words

I've had such great intentions to blog. But when it comes down to it, I always find reasons to not do it. I don't have time. I don't think about it when I do have time. Or, I wonder: What do I even have to blog about?

But then I read other friends' blogs, and their subject matter is often simple. It's just a way for them to capture moments. To not let their lives pass them by without reflection. But it seems I still need a "prompt" – a place to start from. So, today, I decided. I decided I would start with whatever Bible verse(s) I'd read that day and reflect on how the Scripture relates to my life and where I am in my journey. I thought the prompt could have a dual purpose – to help me fully internalize what God is trying to say to me, and to get me writing again.

So, I went into YouVersion to pull up my reading for today from my current reading plan about God's promises. But what was I faced with upon opening the app? YouVersion's verse of the day - NOT what I was planning to blog about. It reads: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst" (1 Timothy 1:15). And this just makes me further reflect on my good intentions gone unfulfilled.

Isn't that how most of us become the worst of sinners? Most of us don't set out to do wrong. We just wind up failing miserably at doing right. We got derailed along the way. We got focused on the wrong thing. We got busy and forgot what was important. But the amazing thing is: God is there. He's always there. Whether we are actively present with Him or not, He is actively present with us.

The verse I planned to use as my prompt for this post and my point of reflection reads: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6). What an amazingly perfect verse to counter the “verse of the day” I quoted above! Although I must fully accept that Christ came to save sinners (like me) and recognize my role as such (which I agree, I am among the worst), God also provides guidance on how to make my path straight – by submitting to Him, leaning on Him and trusting Him with all my heart. The promise the verse offers (according to my reading plan, i.e., I stole this): If I trust God and seek him, He will show me the way to go. Yet alas, as much as this guidance and promise make sense, therein lies the problem. I don't always submit. I don't always lean. I don't always trust. I don't always seek. Or at least not ENOUGH. I still slip. I still fall. (Daily.) And sometimes it's so far from the path that God would have me on. But fortunately, the redemption remains.

My solace is in the fact that, “where sin increased, grace increased all the more” (Romans 5:20). You see, we can’t out-sin God’s grace. He’s got more than enough. And if we need more, he’s got more to provide. And knowing that gives us freedom to stop thinking about how good or bad we are, and to just start focusing on getting to know God more and better and discovering how loving He is that He would save us from ourselves.

But I find it so interesting that, when I Googled “greater sin results in more salvation” (which is NOT the way to find Rom 5:20, by the way), the results generated were links to the following questions that others had posed: “What is the greatest sin?” “How much sin results in the loss of salvation?” “Are there different degrees of sin?” And I’m wondering what these questions really mean. Are we looking for how much we can sin and still go to heaven? Are we looking for ways to judge others based on the severity of their sin? Are we trying to decide if God can forgive even X?

I’m learning that, while God certainly doesn’t want me to sin, my sin doesn’t scare Him away. He doesn’t just love me or others when we’re not sinning. And it’s the recognition that He conquered sin that redeems us, not our own ability to conquer sin once we’re saved. He’s not looking for perfect people (thank goodness, since there are none!). He’s looking for us to recognize His perfect love. And He just wants us to live in response to that love. Wow.

Now, if you ask me, THAT’s something worth blogging about!

Diving Right In ... The Joys of Making Plans

This past month - January 2013 - has been kind of a blur, but a good blur. So, I'm documenting it now, while it's still somewhat fresh. What started out a new month in a new year with resolutions and new possibilities turned out to be pretty productive and fun, but also was gone in a flash. One reason for that is that I actually followed through on having friends -- who we've said we wanted to have over -- over. (The other big reason: Work has been CRAZY! But enough of that talk ...)

Crazy busy work this month

So, I hate that we often say that we want to have folks over and then it doesn't happen. We attended a StrengthFinders seminar this month that helped us realize why that happens. (HINT: Colman has Woo in his top five strengths. I have Responsibility in mine. So, he's great at getting people to love him, but not as great on follow-through; contrastingly, I don't feel the need to have everyone like me, but I do feel the need to fulfill promises that I make. What a pair we make!) So, I started doing my part to change that. I made plans. I am not good at being spontaneous, but if I know about something in advance -- even if it's not way ahead of time -- I do much better. As a result, we've been busy every weekend this month.

And while we normally are busy, this month was different. In the past, I wasn't as good about making plans. And since I wasn't making plans and I'm not good at spontaneity, we weren't having company over. Instead, we were constantly going to one last-minute thing that popped up after another and eating out a ton. This month, I'm not sure we've eaten out at all. (Lie: We have at least had some fast food, but that doesn't really count. Right?)

Highlights:

Jan 4 - First Friday @ the Athenaeum. Our church is in a historic theatre, and there's ArtSpace in the mezzanine area. So Indy Metro Church often curates the space; and this month the focus is on the sex trade industry. There were some great pieces of visual art, as well as touching letters from women who had been in the sex industry, and a speaker. We saw our friend Hannah there (her sister, a church intern who is heading up our new Strip Club Church ministry, was the curator). I mentioned having her and her husband Andrew (and their daughter Violet) over for dinner; and Hannah said she knew she was free the next weekend. (She's a third year med student - so you pounce when you know there's an opening in their schedule.) So, we tentatively set dinner plans for the following Saturday night. Then we had to leave the art exhibit before the speaker was done because I had worked so late that Friday night (until about 7 p.m.) that I literally picked Colman up and we went straight there, and we were STARVING. So, we actually did go out to dinner that night. (Evidence of said eating out LIE.) It was yummy. We went to Ralston's, a new favorite of ours. (We went there the first time in October, after watching Indy Metro's production of C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, which Colman was in.) Colman found a new beer that he loves - a bourbon barrel ale (and he doesn't like bourbon or normally bourbon ales). We also are obsessed with their sweet potato fries and their various sauces.

Jan 5-6 - The rest of this weekend is kind of a blur. I don't have anything on my calendar for it. But what I am remembering is: We saw a movie on Saturday night - I think Les Miserables. I also think this is the night we grabbed dinner at Penn Station. I had a vegetarian sub - with artichokes - and it was wonderful! Will do that again! Sunday night we got a call from our friend Angie - she had gotten off work early - and she and her husband Gavin wanted to do dinner. So, we went to Bru on Mass Ave with them and had a great dinner (I had the garlic cheeseburger - SO good!) and caught up. (So, apparently we ate out every night this weekend. Oops. Fun times though! Good thing we joined the Y earlier this week - on Jan 4.)

Bike Hub YMCA @ City Market

Jan 7 - We were supposed to go to our friend Dan's house for the National Championship Game - Bama vs. Notre Dame. But we got a call on our way over that he didn't have the station the game was showing on. So, we invited them to our house, and turned around and headed home. We ended up having five guests to our impromptu party - Dan, Stephany, Brian, Sarah and Bridget. The game ended with a good outcome for Bama, but not so great for Colman and the other ND fans. Fortunately this meant I won a bet, and our pastor and Colman had to wear Bama gear at church on Sunday (1/13). Roll Tide!

Jan 8 - Had our First ActiviTuesday, which was established by our friend Robyn to create mid-week fun-portunities (my word creation). She came over to our house, and we had a Wii Bowling and a Karaoke competition. The Karaoke didn't go so well for me. But I won (I think all games) at Wii Bowling. This never happens. Colman just had a REALLY OFF night!

Jan 9 - First City Group gathering of the year. Our group recently merged with another group. So, we're just getting to know each other. No study. Just food and hanging out. There was a ton going on. We all of a sudden went from having one child (who usually sleeps) at our group to having five. And we've invited another couple to join us that have a babe as well. They haven't joined us yet though. Will be interesting to see how our groups meld together.

Jan 12 - We went to church and attended a StrengthsFinder seminar from 9 to 1 p.m., then headed home and ate, took a nap, cleaned the house and went to the grocery store, then came home and started cooking and did more cleaning because ... As a result of seeing Hannah the previous weekend at First Friday and making plans at that time, we had our friends Andrew and Hannah and their daughter Violet to dinner. She's a vegetarian. So, I had to stretch myself to figure out dinner. I found a recipe for Hearty Chicken Stew with Butternut Squash & Quinoa Recipe on Pinterest and gave it a try. I followed the recipe up until it got to where I needed to add the chicken broth. At that point, I divided the ingredients into two pans (more in the non-vegetarian version, since Andrew typically eats chicken when it's available, even though he eats vegetarian most of the time - this turned out to be the right decision) and put vegetable broth into one and followed the directions for the chicken version for the other. Colman did not love this. (He often doesn't love things that scream healthy.) But I really liked it, and our guests seemed to enjoy it too. They had seconds, which always makes me happy. And I learned to cook with quinoa, which was a bonus. I served it with the red wine that they brought and Garlic Parmesan Skillet Bread - the Carrabba's Bread Dip Seasoning version. Loved this. The one thing I realized (the next time I made it) was that mine wasn't looking like the picture, and I didn't understand why. (I "tossed" the biscuit pieces into the pan, but I didn't "toss" the biscuit pieces. So, all of my seasoning was on one side. So, I was serving it upside down, so that the seasoning was visible. But that meant the top was flat, instead of rounded ... I'm so dumb sometimes ... From now on, I will be tossing the pieces in the seasoning and then serving the bread bumpy side up. Gotta laugh at myself on that one. But I guess it did involve baking, which is not my thing. So that's my explanation.) Speaking of baking, Colman was nice enough to prepare brownies for the occasion. But I turned the oven on super-high (425 degrees - not sure why, probably because I often use that temp to COOK, not bake), and I burned his brownies. So, we had break-apart cookies come to the rescue instead. The downsides: Whenever I decide to make soup or stew, we always have a random temperature spike. So, it was 50 or 60 degrees outside when I made and served this stew. Also, Violet hit a wall pretty early, so they weren't able to stay very long. But it was fun while it lasted. :-)

Jan 13 - My friend Hollie's and my nephew Brey's (2nd) birthday. After church, we met privately with the StrengthsFinder coach over coffee (Starbucks - had hot chocolates) and lunch (Hoaglin's - had the super yummy sausage gravy and biscuits). Colman hadn't determined which Myers-Briggs personality type he was yet (he was 50/50 on one component [ENFP vs. ESFP] and tried to pick out the characteristics that fit him most from each; but the guy wasn't having anything to do with that method of determining Colman's personality type), so the coach couldn't offer us much guidance. But we still had some interesting conversations about our strengths and weaknesses and my personality type.

Pastor Aaron and Colman - Making Good on their Bet

Jan 16 - Had City Group again - still just a hangout night. Not as great of turnout this week. Some sicknesses and folks working late. So, very low key and laid back.

Jan 19 - We had our friends Tim and Tara Tang, and their kids Annie (6) and Josh (3) over for dinner and our Christmas gift exchange. I exchange with Tara, and we give gifts to the kids. We haven't had them over in forever for some reason. (Probably because I didn't plan ahead and then our weekends got booked with last-minute activities, also had to do with our moving to a new house and getting packed up in the old house and being unsettled in the new one and then holidays - lots of excuses!!!) So, it was great to have them over and visit. I made Garlic Parmesan Crusted Chicken and followed the recipe exactly (which I rarely do), and it was great. The last time I made this, I sauteed and baked the chicken instead of grilling it. I probably slightly prefer the baked version, but this was amazing grilled too! We served it with Twice Baked Potatoes. I did the bacon version, but just let people add the bacon if they wanted it, since Tara doesn't eat bacon when pregnant. We also served French bread (purchased at the store) with olive oil and the Carrabba's Bread Dip Seasoning. And Tara and Tim brought a tasty salad. I again fouled up the dessert. I tried these Healthy Peanut Butter Cookies, and they were awful. Basically peanut butter honey taffy. Ridiculous. Break-apart cookies again saved the day.

Garlic Parmesan Crusted Chicken

Jan 20 - Went to church in the morning and met up with our friends Robyn and Nate to see Silver Linings Playbook that night. Colman and I had Wendy's beforehand, but I've been pretty good about avoiding fries lately. So, I had chili and a grilled chicken sandwich of some sort. The movie was really good. We went to Applebee's afterwards to finish watching a basketball game. I had a dessert coffee and an appetizer. (So much for eating well. At least I didn't blow it at dinner and after the movie.)

Jan 23 - Very low turnout with group - just us, the Mosses and Andrew and Violet. Ended up calling it a night before 8 p.m. Was kind of a blessing in disguise because I had a huge deadline for work that I needed to focus on.

Jan 26 - This weekend, we had our friends Keith and LaNita for dinner. Colman grilled some amazing ribeyes seasoned with Southern Flavor, which is actually made in my hometown and provides an incredible charcoal flavor. Plus, he grilled them just right. I made Roasted Parmesan Potato Wedges, which were OK but not phenomenal. (I think I can tweak them with garlic salt [and maybe panko bread crumbs?] and make them a go-to side.) What I made for dinner that was really good was Bacon-Wrapped Caramelized Sesame Asparagus. I was afraid Colman wouldn't like it because it's so different - with sesame oil and sesame seeds; but he (WE) loved it! I will make this again and again and won't be afraid to add more sesame seeds next time. I also served the pull-apart skillet bread again (and this is the time I realized it didn't look right, but tasted fine). And the big surprise - the dessert I made was a success!! We had Chocolate Chip Cake, which was moist (despite my and apparently Keith's concerns) and super tasty. We also had some great red wine, courtesy of our guests, and had a blast playing Euchre.

Euchre - Not a Great Hand

This evening was a great way to round out our entertaining calendar for the month and bolstered my confidence that we can handle this level of entertaining - if I just know in advance.

Jan 30 - Had our most "successful" City Group meeting of the year. Almost everyone was there, and we had our first lesson as a group. Yay! Hopefully, we can keep his going.

The one negative (which should be considered a positive) to hosting every weekend when my work schedule is so packed: I had to be laid back about the condition of the house. Colman was great about doing the cleaning, and helping me do some of the food prep. But if I had had time to be crazy (and if my back hadn't been giving me such fits this month), I probably would have. Hopefully I have learned from this that the crazy isn't necessary -- that the time with friends and the hospitality we provide is more important than clean baseboards and a dust-free home.

But Colman and I probably won't be able to maintain is the level of hospitality (i.e., entertaining every weekend) year-round. I think having company twice a month is more reasonable, and is still an increase over what we were doing last year. But I'm glad we dove right in and realized that it's not as much work as I often make it out to be.

We're taking a break from entertaining this weekend and heading to Elkhart. Looking forward to attending a Super Bowl party on Sunday night and dinner with Terry and Erica Moore next weekend.

Good times!

Reflection

As this year is winding down and 2013 is set to begin, I'm overwhelmed by a sense of having lots of starts and too few completions under my belt as of late. In fact, this blog is a perfect example of such. Not that this blog needs to be "completed," per se, but it should be ever-evolving, as should I. And yet, I began it with gusto over 16 months ago (I had no idea it had been that long ago until I casually logged in today) and haven't touched it since. Other examples: We moved in late August, and there are still boxes in closets that I keep saying I'll go through. There are mirrors and art that need to be hung. There are summer and winter clothes that need to be transitioned out/in. There are thank-you notes that I tell myself I'll write, and birthdays I plan to get ahead of. Gifts I plan to be more thoughtful in purchasing. Intentionality that I plan to have in my relationships. Books that I intend to start and/or finish. Exercise regimens I keep planning to kick-off. Heck, I don't even buy the Groupons I'm interested in. Unless it's related to work or basic things around the house (i.e., getting dinner on the table and making sure the house is clean enough that it doesn't embarrass me), it doesn't get done.

So, while in recent years I have shied away from making resolutions, this year my goal is to set goals (with actual benchmarks when appropriate). Ironically, it is my job to help organizations run better. I assess capacities and gaps and help others set goals to fill those gaps. I identify benchmarks for periodic checks toward meeting goals; and yet, in my personal life, I have a complete lack of goal-setting in place these days.

The only personal goals that I've really set over the past year are: 1) to get pregnant and 2) to be more deliberate about my disciplines towards attaining spiritual growth. And I'm not pregnant, and it's questionable as to whether I've grown spiritually. I'm generally good about having a devotion time each morning before work (I've actually been slacking on this too during the holidays), but it's more as a matter of routine than desire. And what I want to get back (or get!?!) in my life is passion. 
 

I want to be passionate about Christ. I want to passionate about my health. I want to be passionate about our financial future. I want to be passionate about being a good wife. I want to be passionate about being a good friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, etc., I want to be passionate about trying new things. And if I would set more goals and complete more of the things I start, I think the passion will come. Here are some goals for 2013:
 

1) I want to grow spiritually. As part of that, I plan to set aside at least 15 consecutive minutes for nothing but prayer every day. I want this to happen at different times of the day - when I'm inspired to do so. But if I don't become inspired, this should happen no later than 15 minutes prior to going to sleep. I don't want this to become a routine. I want it to strike me, and to be drawn in my God to connect with Him. I will try journalling my prayers, to ensure I'm not just rambling with my eyes closed. Once a month, I will look back at my prayers and see which ones have been answered, etc.
 

2) I want to become healthier. As part of that, I plan to lose 50 pounds. The last time I weighed, I weighed right at 200 pounds. I shouldn't weigh 200 pounds. I'm not short, but I'm not THAT tall. At 5' 8.5" tall, it is completely reasonable for me to weigh 150 pounds. To lose 50 pounds by the end of 2013, I should have lost 25 pounds by July 1. To do this, I should lose an average of 4.17 pounds each month - approximately 1 pound per week. This is completely doable. In order for this to happen, I need to join the Y at the Bike Hub. I also need to purchase a new battery for our scale. I received a heart rate monitor for Christmas. I need to use that when I exercise. I need to start exercising at least five days a week for at least 30 minutes each day. I need to set up a journal to celebrate my success in meeting this goal. I will weigh once a week and log that in. I will not beat myself up for failure. I will just hold myself accountable to my goal. Healthy eating must also be part of this goal. I will focus on exercise first and revise my "diet" goals by March 15.
 

3) I want to be more well-read and also learn to enjoy times of leisure. As part of that, I plan to read at least 12 books by the end of the year. I say I am a slow reader. And honestly, I'm not the fastest reader on the planet. But mostly, I'm not a committed reader. To read 12 books, I will need to read at least one book per month. I would like for at least 1/3 of these books (4) to edify me spiritually in some way. Thus, once every four months, one of the four books I've read should be biblical in nature.
 

4) I could goal myself into the ground with things that I would like to be different about me. But I believe the noted three are a good start and will help me to become more "passionate" about life. I believe that the very first goal (to grow spiritually) will lend itself to accomplishing many other goals - being a better servant, a better wife, a better friend, etc. If I'm more committed to my relationship with Christ, I believe my other relationships will improve. Likewise, if I lose weight and become healthier (goal 2), I will feel like doing other things that bring me joy or bring my husband joy. And if I am able to focus on and really learn to enjoy leisure (goal 3), I shouldn't be as negative and will probably become more productive.
 

5) I do also want to commit to writing a blog at least 50 times in 2013. That is an average of just under once per week, but doesn't have to be done weekly. I just want to make sure I'm documenting the important things happening in our lives. So if I make three separate posts in one day, that's fine. I definitely don't want it to be a chore, but I also am committing to making sure it happens every month. So, if by November I've already blogged 50 times, I still need to blog in December. It's more that I need to be reflecting on my life regularly (and writing is one of the best ways for me to do that). Plus, it'll provide a place to retain memories that I'm far too good at forgetting. (Wish I could make "Get a better memory" a goal!)
 

6) I just generally want to love life more and make life for others better. And so, I will plan to follow through with things that I say I want to do. Because not setting goals has led to me not accomplishing desired outcomes, which I'm afraid has left me somewhat hollow, which makes me feel shallow, which I do not want to be. I want to be a deep reflecting pool - I want to reflect Christ and all that is good about him. And I recognize it is in looking back at what you said you wanted that you realize you became (or didn't become) who you wanted to be. I also recognize I will always be on a quest to be a different person than I am today. But this process and intentionality to be who I say I want to be will help me to ever-reflect and ever-change and ever-grow into the woman, child, friend, wife, sister, Christ-follower, etc., that I want and need to be.

Happy New Year!