Diving Right In ... The Joys of Making Plans

This past month - January 2013 - has been kind of a blur, but a good blur. So, I'm documenting it now, while it's still somewhat fresh. What started out a new month in a new year with resolutions and new possibilities turned out to be pretty productive and fun, but also was gone in a flash. One reason for that is that I actually followed through on having friends -- who we've said we wanted to have over -- over. (The other big reason: Work has been CRAZY! But enough of that talk ...)

Crazy busy work this month

So, I hate that we often say that we want to have folks over and then it doesn't happen. We attended a StrengthFinders seminar this month that helped us realize why that happens. (HINT: Colman has Woo in his top five strengths. I have Responsibility in mine. So, he's great at getting people to love him, but not as great on follow-through; contrastingly, I don't feel the need to have everyone like me, but I do feel the need to fulfill promises that I make. What a pair we make!) So, I started doing my part to change that. I made plans. I am not good at being spontaneous, but if I know about something in advance -- even if it's not way ahead of time -- I do much better. As a result, we've been busy every weekend this month.

And while we normally are busy, this month was different. In the past, I wasn't as good about making plans. And since I wasn't making plans and I'm not good at spontaneity, we weren't having company over. Instead, we were constantly going to one last-minute thing that popped up after another and eating out a ton. This month, I'm not sure we've eaten out at all. (Lie: We have at least had some fast food, but that doesn't really count. Right?)

Highlights:

Jan 4 - First Friday @ the Athenaeum. Our church is in a historic theatre, and there's ArtSpace in the mezzanine area. So Indy Metro Church often curates the space; and this month the focus is on the sex trade industry. There were some great pieces of visual art, as well as touching letters from women who had been in the sex industry, and a speaker. We saw our friend Hannah there (her sister, a church intern who is heading up our new Strip Club Church ministry, was the curator). I mentioned having her and her husband Andrew (and their daughter Violet) over for dinner; and Hannah said she knew she was free the next weekend. (She's a third year med student - so you pounce when you know there's an opening in their schedule.) So, we tentatively set dinner plans for the following Saturday night. Then we had to leave the art exhibit before the speaker was done because I had worked so late that Friday night (until about 7 p.m.) that I literally picked Colman up and we went straight there, and we were STARVING. So, we actually did go out to dinner that night. (Evidence of said eating out LIE.) It was yummy. We went to Ralston's, a new favorite of ours. (We went there the first time in October, after watching Indy Metro's production of C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, which Colman was in.) Colman found a new beer that he loves - a bourbon barrel ale (and he doesn't like bourbon or normally bourbon ales). We also are obsessed with their sweet potato fries and their various sauces.

Jan 5-6 - The rest of this weekend is kind of a blur. I don't have anything on my calendar for it. But what I am remembering is: We saw a movie on Saturday night - I think Les Miserables. I also think this is the night we grabbed dinner at Penn Station. I had a vegetarian sub - with artichokes - and it was wonderful! Will do that again! Sunday night we got a call from our friend Angie - she had gotten off work early - and she and her husband Gavin wanted to do dinner. So, we went to Bru on Mass Ave with them and had a great dinner (I had the garlic cheeseburger - SO good!) and caught up. (So, apparently we ate out every night this weekend. Oops. Fun times though! Good thing we joined the Y earlier this week - on Jan 4.)

Bike Hub YMCA @ City Market

Jan 7 - We were supposed to go to our friend Dan's house for the National Championship Game - Bama vs. Notre Dame. But we got a call on our way over that he didn't have the station the game was showing on. So, we invited them to our house, and turned around and headed home. We ended up having five guests to our impromptu party - Dan, Stephany, Brian, Sarah and Bridget. The game ended with a good outcome for Bama, but not so great for Colman and the other ND fans. Fortunately this meant I won a bet, and our pastor and Colman had to wear Bama gear at church on Sunday (1/13). Roll Tide!

Jan 8 - Had our First ActiviTuesday, which was established by our friend Robyn to create mid-week fun-portunities (my word creation). She came over to our house, and we had a Wii Bowling and a Karaoke competition. The Karaoke didn't go so well for me. But I won (I think all games) at Wii Bowling. This never happens. Colman just had a REALLY OFF night!

Jan 9 - First City Group gathering of the year. Our group recently merged with another group. So, we're just getting to know each other. No study. Just food and hanging out. There was a ton going on. We all of a sudden went from having one child (who usually sleeps) at our group to having five. And we've invited another couple to join us that have a babe as well. They haven't joined us yet though. Will be interesting to see how our groups meld together.

Jan 12 - We went to church and attended a StrengthsFinder seminar from 9 to 1 p.m., then headed home and ate, took a nap, cleaned the house and went to the grocery store, then came home and started cooking and did more cleaning because ... As a result of seeing Hannah the previous weekend at First Friday and making plans at that time, we had our friends Andrew and Hannah and their daughter Violet to dinner. She's a vegetarian. So, I had to stretch myself to figure out dinner. I found a recipe for Hearty Chicken Stew with Butternut Squash & Quinoa Recipe on Pinterest and gave it a try. I followed the recipe up until it got to where I needed to add the chicken broth. At that point, I divided the ingredients into two pans (more in the non-vegetarian version, since Andrew typically eats chicken when it's available, even though he eats vegetarian most of the time - this turned out to be the right decision) and put vegetable broth into one and followed the directions for the chicken version for the other. Colman did not love this. (He often doesn't love things that scream healthy.) But I really liked it, and our guests seemed to enjoy it too. They had seconds, which always makes me happy. And I learned to cook with quinoa, which was a bonus. I served it with the red wine that they brought and Garlic Parmesan Skillet Bread - the Carrabba's Bread Dip Seasoning version. Loved this. The one thing I realized (the next time I made it) was that mine wasn't looking like the picture, and I didn't understand why. (I "tossed" the biscuit pieces into the pan, but I didn't "toss" the biscuit pieces. So, all of my seasoning was on one side. So, I was serving it upside down, so that the seasoning was visible. But that meant the top was flat, instead of rounded ... I'm so dumb sometimes ... From now on, I will be tossing the pieces in the seasoning and then serving the bread bumpy side up. Gotta laugh at myself on that one. But I guess it did involve baking, which is not my thing. So that's my explanation.) Speaking of baking, Colman was nice enough to prepare brownies for the occasion. But I turned the oven on super-high (425 degrees - not sure why, probably because I often use that temp to COOK, not bake), and I burned his brownies. So, we had break-apart cookies come to the rescue instead. The downsides: Whenever I decide to make soup or stew, we always have a random temperature spike. So, it was 50 or 60 degrees outside when I made and served this stew. Also, Violet hit a wall pretty early, so they weren't able to stay very long. But it was fun while it lasted. :-)

Jan 13 - My friend Hollie's and my nephew Brey's (2nd) birthday. After church, we met privately with the StrengthsFinder coach over coffee (Starbucks - had hot chocolates) and lunch (Hoaglin's - had the super yummy sausage gravy and biscuits). Colman hadn't determined which Myers-Briggs personality type he was yet (he was 50/50 on one component [ENFP vs. ESFP] and tried to pick out the characteristics that fit him most from each; but the guy wasn't having anything to do with that method of determining Colman's personality type), so the coach couldn't offer us much guidance. But we still had some interesting conversations about our strengths and weaknesses and my personality type.

Pastor Aaron and Colman - Making Good on their Bet

Jan 16 - Had City Group again - still just a hangout night. Not as great of turnout this week. Some sicknesses and folks working late. So, very low key and laid back.

Jan 19 - We had our friends Tim and Tara Tang, and their kids Annie (6) and Josh (3) over for dinner and our Christmas gift exchange. I exchange with Tara, and we give gifts to the kids. We haven't had them over in forever for some reason. (Probably because I didn't plan ahead and then our weekends got booked with last-minute activities, also had to do with our moving to a new house and getting packed up in the old house and being unsettled in the new one and then holidays - lots of excuses!!!) So, it was great to have them over and visit. I made Garlic Parmesan Crusted Chicken and followed the recipe exactly (which I rarely do), and it was great. The last time I made this, I sauteed and baked the chicken instead of grilling it. I probably slightly prefer the baked version, but this was amazing grilled too! We served it with Twice Baked Potatoes. I did the bacon version, but just let people add the bacon if they wanted it, since Tara doesn't eat bacon when pregnant. We also served French bread (purchased at the store) with olive oil and the Carrabba's Bread Dip Seasoning. And Tara and Tim brought a tasty salad. I again fouled up the dessert. I tried these Healthy Peanut Butter Cookies, and they were awful. Basically peanut butter honey taffy. Ridiculous. Break-apart cookies again saved the day.

Garlic Parmesan Crusted Chicken

Jan 20 - Went to church in the morning and met up with our friends Robyn and Nate to see Silver Linings Playbook that night. Colman and I had Wendy's beforehand, but I've been pretty good about avoiding fries lately. So, I had chili and a grilled chicken sandwich of some sort. The movie was really good. We went to Applebee's afterwards to finish watching a basketball game. I had a dessert coffee and an appetizer. (So much for eating well. At least I didn't blow it at dinner and after the movie.)

Jan 23 - Very low turnout with group - just us, the Mosses and Andrew and Violet. Ended up calling it a night before 8 p.m. Was kind of a blessing in disguise because I had a huge deadline for work that I needed to focus on.

Jan 26 - This weekend, we had our friends Keith and LaNita for dinner. Colman grilled some amazing ribeyes seasoned with Southern Flavor, which is actually made in my hometown and provides an incredible charcoal flavor. Plus, he grilled them just right. I made Roasted Parmesan Potato Wedges, which were OK but not phenomenal. (I think I can tweak them with garlic salt [and maybe panko bread crumbs?] and make them a go-to side.) What I made for dinner that was really good was Bacon-Wrapped Caramelized Sesame Asparagus. I was afraid Colman wouldn't like it because it's so different - with sesame oil and sesame seeds; but he (WE) loved it! I will make this again and again and won't be afraid to add more sesame seeds next time. I also served the pull-apart skillet bread again (and this is the time I realized it didn't look right, but tasted fine). And the big surprise - the dessert I made was a success!! We had Chocolate Chip Cake, which was moist (despite my and apparently Keith's concerns) and super tasty. We also had some great red wine, courtesy of our guests, and had a blast playing Euchre.

Euchre - Not a Great Hand

This evening was a great way to round out our entertaining calendar for the month and bolstered my confidence that we can handle this level of entertaining - if I just know in advance.

Jan 30 - Had our most "successful" City Group meeting of the year. Almost everyone was there, and we had our first lesson as a group. Yay! Hopefully, we can keep his going.

The one negative (which should be considered a positive) to hosting every weekend when my work schedule is so packed: I had to be laid back about the condition of the house. Colman was great about doing the cleaning, and helping me do some of the food prep. But if I had had time to be crazy (and if my back hadn't been giving me such fits this month), I probably would have. Hopefully I have learned from this that the crazy isn't necessary -- that the time with friends and the hospitality we provide is more important than clean baseboards and a dust-free home.

But Colman and I probably won't be able to maintain is the level of hospitality (i.e., entertaining every weekend) year-round. I think having company twice a month is more reasonable, and is still an increase over what we were doing last year. But I'm glad we dove right in and realized that it's not as much work as I often make it out to be.

We're taking a break from entertaining this weekend and heading to Elkhart. Looking forward to attending a Super Bowl party on Sunday night and dinner with Terry and Erica Moore next weekend.

Good times!

Reflection

As this year is winding down and 2013 is set to begin, I'm overwhelmed by a sense of having lots of starts and too few completions under my belt as of late. In fact, this blog is a perfect example of such. Not that this blog needs to be "completed," per se, but it should be ever-evolving, as should I. And yet, I began it with gusto over 16 months ago (I had no idea it had been that long ago until I casually logged in today) and haven't touched it since. Other examples: We moved in late August, and there are still boxes in closets that I keep saying I'll go through. There are mirrors and art that need to be hung. There are summer and winter clothes that need to be transitioned out/in. There are thank-you notes that I tell myself I'll write, and birthdays I plan to get ahead of. Gifts I plan to be more thoughtful in purchasing. Intentionality that I plan to have in my relationships. Books that I intend to start and/or finish. Exercise regimens I keep planning to kick-off. Heck, I don't even buy the Groupons I'm interested in. Unless it's related to work or basic things around the house (i.e., getting dinner on the table and making sure the house is clean enough that it doesn't embarrass me), it doesn't get done.

So, while in recent years I have shied away from making resolutions, this year my goal is to set goals (with actual benchmarks when appropriate). Ironically, it is my job to help organizations run better. I assess capacities and gaps and help others set goals to fill those gaps. I identify benchmarks for periodic checks toward meeting goals; and yet, in my personal life, I have a complete lack of goal-setting in place these days.

The only personal goals that I've really set over the past year are: 1) to get pregnant and 2) to be more deliberate about my disciplines towards attaining spiritual growth. And I'm not pregnant, and it's questionable as to whether I've grown spiritually. I'm generally good about having a devotion time each morning before work (I've actually been slacking on this too during the holidays), but it's more as a matter of routine than desire. And what I want to get back (or get!?!) in my life is passion. 
 

I want to be passionate about Christ. I want to passionate about my health. I want to be passionate about our financial future. I want to be passionate about being a good wife. I want to be passionate about being a good friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, etc., I want to be passionate about trying new things. And if I would set more goals and complete more of the things I start, I think the passion will come. Here are some goals for 2013:
 

1) I want to grow spiritually. As part of that, I plan to set aside at least 15 consecutive minutes for nothing but prayer every day. I want this to happen at different times of the day - when I'm inspired to do so. But if I don't become inspired, this should happen no later than 15 minutes prior to going to sleep. I don't want this to become a routine. I want it to strike me, and to be drawn in my God to connect with Him. I will try journalling my prayers, to ensure I'm not just rambling with my eyes closed. Once a month, I will look back at my prayers and see which ones have been answered, etc.
 

2) I want to become healthier. As part of that, I plan to lose 50 pounds. The last time I weighed, I weighed right at 200 pounds. I shouldn't weigh 200 pounds. I'm not short, but I'm not THAT tall. At 5' 8.5" tall, it is completely reasonable for me to weigh 150 pounds. To lose 50 pounds by the end of 2013, I should have lost 25 pounds by July 1. To do this, I should lose an average of 4.17 pounds each month - approximately 1 pound per week. This is completely doable. In order for this to happen, I need to join the Y at the Bike Hub. I also need to purchase a new battery for our scale. I received a heart rate monitor for Christmas. I need to use that when I exercise. I need to start exercising at least five days a week for at least 30 minutes each day. I need to set up a journal to celebrate my success in meeting this goal. I will weigh once a week and log that in. I will not beat myself up for failure. I will just hold myself accountable to my goal. Healthy eating must also be part of this goal. I will focus on exercise first and revise my "diet" goals by March 15.
 

3) I want to be more well-read and also learn to enjoy times of leisure. As part of that, I plan to read at least 12 books by the end of the year. I say I am a slow reader. And honestly, I'm not the fastest reader on the planet. But mostly, I'm not a committed reader. To read 12 books, I will need to read at least one book per month. I would like for at least 1/3 of these books (4) to edify me spiritually in some way. Thus, once every four months, one of the four books I've read should be biblical in nature.
 

4) I could goal myself into the ground with things that I would like to be different about me. But I believe the noted three are a good start and will help me to become more "passionate" about life. I believe that the very first goal (to grow spiritually) will lend itself to accomplishing many other goals - being a better servant, a better wife, a better friend, etc. If I'm more committed to my relationship with Christ, I believe my other relationships will improve. Likewise, if I lose weight and become healthier (goal 2), I will feel like doing other things that bring me joy or bring my husband joy. And if I am able to focus on and really learn to enjoy leisure (goal 3), I shouldn't be as negative and will probably become more productive.
 

5) I do also want to commit to writing a blog at least 50 times in 2013. That is an average of just under once per week, but doesn't have to be done weekly. I just want to make sure I'm documenting the important things happening in our lives. So if I make three separate posts in one day, that's fine. I definitely don't want it to be a chore, but I also am committing to making sure it happens every month. So, if by November I've already blogged 50 times, I still need to blog in December. It's more that I need to be reflecting on my life regularly (and writing is one of the best ways for me to do that). Plus, it'll provide a place to retain memories that I'm far too good at forgetting. (Wish I could make "Get a better memory" a goal!)
 

6) I just generally want to love life more and make life for others better. And so, I will plan to follow through with things that I say I want to do. Because not setting goals has led to me not accomplishing desired outcomes, which I'm afraid has left me somewhat hollow, which makes me feel shallow, which I do not want to be. I want to be a deep reflecting pool - I want to reflect Christ and all that is good about him. And I recognize it is in looking back at what you said you wanted that you realize you became (or didn't become) who you wanted to be. I also recognize I will always be on a quest to be a different person than I am today. But this process and intentionality to be who I say I want to be will help me to ever-reflect and ever-change and ever-grow into the woman, child, friend, wife, sister, Christ-follower, etc., that I want and need to be.

Happy New Year!

The Who, What, When, Where, Why and How

The journalist buried deep within me insists that I make the story matter to my readers by covering all of the important aspects of it. This is accomplished by answering: Who?, What?, When?, Where?, Why? and How?

Who? My name is Jessica. I am the oldest of three girls. I am a preacher's kid. I am a native Alabamian, transplanted in Indiana just shy of 12 months ago. I am married to a wonderful Indiana native, Mr. Love, a gift to me directly from God. I will not say I deserved him; but after a terribly rough first marriage, many have said those words for me. I am extremely grateful that Mr. Love is the wonderful man he is and loves me the way he does.

What? This blog has no defined intention, except to serve as an outlet for me to write and share my life. In its infancy, it is mostly not a specific type of blog. I realize it may grow into something more or different; but for now, it cannot be typecast by subject matter. So, while I do watch sales and coupon, this is not a couponing blog. I work full-time and depend on couponing bloggers to supply me with such information. And while I cook most nights of the week, this is not a cooking blog. I take many recipes from online sources, but do not aim to be one. I mostly aim to be the same person and do the same things and earn my income the same way that I would without a blog. The only difference is, I will begin sharing some of these experiences and important memories in this venue for posterity sake.

When? I've been thinking about doing this for a while. And then, two days ago, I stopped thinking and started doing. The stories I share mostly will be about my life in Indiana, but also about my friends and family back in Alabama and my experiences along the way to this place. I envision that, at times, I will write about current day experiences; other times, I may go nostalgic or share a deeper part of my story.

Where? I have lived in a number of places, but only in two states: Alabama and Indiana. I grew up in Selma and Butler, Alabama. Went to boarding school in Mobile, attended college in Upland, IN and worked in Selma and Montgomery before landing a husband and job that relocated me to Indianapolis. My stories will mostly take place in or near one of these locales.

Why? Because I have a story and a need to share it. At one point in my life, I had a story that people said should be written. A story that Oprah would love. But alas, I chose to start writing about my life in a post-Oprah show world. But the story is still mine. And if I choose to tell it in this venue, or if this process leads to me telling it in hardback, then so be it. If I choose to only ever tell stories of current day bliss and heartaches, then so be that as well. That's part of telling my own story - I can share as much or little as I like.
How? Awkwardly at first. And then, hopefully, with ease.

Heart & Soul Defined

So, one may wonder what exactly is meant by this suggestion that I have an Alabama heart and Indiana soul. When I shared this concept with my mother, she certainly requested an explanation. And by the time I was done explaining, there were likely more questions than answers in her mind. As such, I'll attempt to be clearer in my written description of this elusive concept. Hopefully even mama will get me once my definition is completed herein.

The heart is a physical part of the body. When working correctly, it pumps lifegiving blood through veins and arteries. Without one, you cannot live. It is essential to your existence. But while this description of the heart impacts my overall definition, it is only part of the platform from which I dive into the characterization of my Alabama heart. From a less literal perspective, the heart is often linked to the concept of love. While from a Christian perspective I certainly believe it is the soul that guides our feelings and expressions of love, to define my split heart and soul accurately, I must somewhat suspend that truth from this definition. Thus, heart = love.

I love Alabama. I love the people there. And as I grew up, the people of this place were essential to my existence. They made me who I am today. I have Alabama blood. I bleed Crimson. Alabama is at my core.  I think like a Southerner. I act like a Southerner. I have an accent that reveals my heritage as a Southerner. I will always be a Southerner at heart. Thus, my Alabama heart is a very real, and almost physical, part of who I am. As long as I live, Alabama will be part of my makeup.

And then, there's my soul.

The soul is not as simple to explain. It cannot actually be found. You could look all throughout the body and never find the soul. Brains, heart, lymph nodes. But no soul. And yet, it is there. It gives us desires. Dreams. Yearnings. A connection to the people and places around us. It gives us goals. It tells us who we want and need to be. It makes us feel good or bad when we are doing things right or wrong. It takes us places. And mine keeps drawing me to Indiana.

As much as I love Alabama, having been born and reared there, my soul was born in northern Indiana. And for that reason, although displaced from my home and family, I feel at peace in Indiana. Although a transplant, an alien here, Indiana and I make sense together. We have an undeniable connection that cannot totally be explained. We get each other. In a way, we're soul mates. And so, it is from this place that I write today.

Made in Indiana

I am a writer. A story teller. But as time has passed, as life has become hurried, as my career has changed, my writing has become very purposeful. Proposals, assessments, reports and recommendations. As a result, I find myself yearning to write for no purpose at all. To have no end goal in mind. To simply share my story and create lasting memories in the process. But as a writer, I find it necessary to establish the back story. And believing that life begins at conception, this southern girl's story starts in the Midwest.

I was made in Indiana. My parents, for some reason, have always been overly open about sharing this bit of intimate information about me, or technically, about them. In fact, I honestly have no idea where my sisters were made. It was most likely in the small Alabama town where we grew up. But that information has never been shared. And yet, where I was made has been told many times over the years, to various individuals and even to crowds, no matter the relevance or appropriateness. For some reason, my conception location has always mattered. And as my life's path has repeatedly led me to Indiana, I have come to realize why. I have an Alabama heart and an Indiana soul.